NDP PREVIEW (Saturday, July 31, 2010 / Saturday, July 31, 2010)
the weather today is super cold, okay,i think is just me. but still went for NDP! (: i wont miss it uh,because once missed, cant get back alreadys! had an egg tart for breakfast+ lunch,
just dont feel like eating.appetite-less. thn was pulled out for another media interview. o.0. nevous tothemax, english + chinese this time round. ChannelNewsAsia. a whole new experience for me, featured on teeveee?cool stuffs rights! but well, i hope it went well, cos i know i screwed some parts, sorry terryyyy! so rarr-rarr-ing of ADULTS now, it's not so easy. giving out balloons was alrights, was super busy making balloons,non-stop. but when it comes to the perf,and we need to rarr-rarr them,it was somehow demolarizing. hais. they arent hyped! =( but ohwell, i'm sure we all did a beautiful job this night! =) saw parade today! super highs! =D dinner time, had a the "bread" . & that's my dinner! seriously dont feel like eating, just stuff it down my throat, to fill my lil stomach a lil. went back to rarr-rarr crowd, stich-es nearly killed me. isit because i didnt had food? or isit because i drank too much water? well, i dont know. but ohwell, i was alright after awhile. =) thn went back home. feeling abit unwell still,it's been more thn 5 weeks..
just when i reached home, a punch str at my face.
"if you really think those are rubbish, just jolly well throw it away, BUT if my results are NOT up to YOUR standard, dont scream & shout at me." i never dared to think that you would ask me how i am,how was my day, bacause i know,it's impossible. BUT you need not ruin everything. i never expected any care and concerns from you, just dont spoil and ruin my mood, that's all i ask for, i dont think it's tough.
after a long day outside, most people will long to go home,have a good rest and feel the warmth and love at home.but i feel otherwise. i reallyreally dont want to go home,seriously. how to have a good rest when after a long day outside, when i reach home, besides revising, i still have chores to do. no matter how tired i am, i do them without even a word of complain. & when i get from you? "nowadays you never help already uh" i really never expect this from you, i wont say anything or what if it's from him, but you, why you? i thought you understand me, i thought you would appreciate, i thought i thought i thought, it seems like it's all my wishful thinking now. why am i studying so hard? i just dont want to fail your expectations,just want to meet them, get into a shrucking university and graduate, cos i know this' what you want. but how am i going to carry on balancing everything when all i get from both of you are craps. No encouragement, no nothing. i'm starting to fall, starting to give up. i'm not as strong as many may think. i'm now keeping myself REAL BUSY, with MANY STUFFS, i think i'm really tiring myself tothemaximum, because i dont want to have anytime to think. crapscraps and more craps. i just want the warmth,the care & the concerns in a family, isit really so difficult?i was actually very excited to tell them about the media interview, on teevee! but well, forget it. maybe to them,it's just something normal.maybe they wont even bother, knowing that will hurt me more, so i rather not tell them.
